Maybe it’s just me, but there’s something about a classroom full of kindergarteners that gives me a headache. This afternoon I went to my daughter Olivia’s kindergarten class to help out. I do this once a month and I do it solely to show her that I care and want to be involved in her activities – in no way would I be doing this for “fun”.
Now let me just say that there are moms who visit the classroom at least once a week. I am not that mom. Once a month is about all I can handle. There are some children whose mom or dad never comes to volunteer in the classroom. Take for instance little Joshua, who informed me today that, “My mom said she never wants to come to my school because she doesn’t want to deal with all those kids.”
Now, if I were to have a face-to-face conversation with Joshua’s mom, she would probably make up some excuse for not volunteering like her work schedule is too crazy, or she has a bad back and can’t sit in the little chairs, etc. But I love how, straight from the mouths of babes, she simply doesn’t want to deal with all the kids. That is exactly how I feel right now after only an hour of instructing children to cut out numbers and glue them in the correct order, then color the puppy on the page. It sounds simple enough until you are there, immersed in children and struggling to keep them focused.
I have noticed that there are many ways these kindergarteners operate in the classroom. Here are some of the main personalities I have discovered:
- The Buddhist: Stares off into space and needs to be prompted to come back to earth every thirty seconds. Theirs is a very tranquil world.
- The Family Traitor: Is very interested in telling you all his families’ juiciest secrets – things his parents would probably be mortified to hear uttered in public.
- The Name-Obsessed: She wants you to guess her middle name, her dog’s name, her sister’s name, and her fish’s name. To me this is completely mind-numbing.
- Fighting the System: This kid does his work as fast as he can with no regard for aesthetics, usually coloring everything either black or gray. Then he tries to distract everyone else from doing theirs.
- The Brown-Noser: Points out any and all flaws that they see on their classmate’s papers. Makes it well known that they can draw the number 5 correctly, and that Alicia’s number 5 is backwards.
- Me, myself, and I: Their sentences usually begin with “Guess what?” and then they proceed to tell you their life story.
Now, all of this would be very cute and entertaining if only I had a glass of wine in my hand and it wasn’t all taking place at the same exact time. The classroom is like a tennis match going back and forth, and there I am in the middle trying desperately to thwart any undesired communication. You have to have some serious patience to be a kindergarten teacher. This hour in the classroom has me completely spent for the rest of the day. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I need a nap.
